How To Care for Yourself When You're Dealing with Estrangement/Broken Friendships
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“The mind creates the abyss and the heart crosses it.”-Nisargadatta Maharaj, Jnana Yoga Master
If you’re going through estrangement or broken friendships, it’s likely you’re rarely speaking of it because of the stigma they bring. The pain has been compared to that of divorce. Very often, we judge and condemn ourselves on top of feeling as though others are condemning us.
So, how do you start feeling a little better while enduring this heartbreak? How do you shift from fearful reaction to a loving response when sitting with it or during a heated exchange with someone you’re on the outs with?
1. Open-Hearted. Flow love toward yourself. From that place of love, consider what the other person might be going through. Hear them out when you’re ready to.
2. Defenselessness. As Don Miguel Ruiz wrote, “Take nothing personally.” Listen with an open heart and seek the gold in this opportunity to discover something important about this relationship.
3. Be The Change. Step into your best self. You at your very best. Be true to yourself, don’t allow abusive actions or words to enter your space. Ask yourself, “What is the most loving, kind response?” Be there for the other person when/if you’re ready.
4. Peaceful Possibility. Grief and loss expert David Kessler says, “Peace is possible.” when confronting a loss. Take time to heal and understand that it’s possible this time apart is occurring so that everyone can heal. Focus on a joyful life even as you sit in uncertainty that this relationship will ever improve. Read stories of reconciliation to keep faith.
I believe this painful experience is here to deepen the evolution of your soul-not to punish you. Stay grounded in your best version with an open heart and trust that from that place you'll discover the next right action whether that means reconnecting or making peace with loving each other from afar.
“Never say you know the last word about any human heart!”-Henry James
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